Dan
'''Dan '''also known as '''Supermonkey '''is an autistic SoN member whose obsessions include Donkey Kong Country banana locations, imaginary sports casters, and optimal EV point allocations for Pokemon. History Dan allegedly had sex on his 14th birthday but hasn't had any remotely sexual experiences since except for when he let a black guy suck his dick. Following his escape from a white van there have been no more sitings. Dan has been quoted several times for famously saying "he spit" 00:31:56) PedroSuave2K: I haven't gotten a boner from a man since I was 14... (00:32:05) Chuck: what man (00:32:20) Chuck: so you used to be bi? (00:32:26) PedroSuave2K: uh, yeah (00:32:31) PedroSuave2K: at least expiremental (00:32:45) PedroSuave2K: the guy I used to cheat (00:32:54) PedroSuave2K: nothing went in anyone's butt though (00:33:24) Chuck: so you are pretty much saying you gave a dude a bj (00:33:33) PedroSuave2K: well (00:33:37) PedroSuave2K: he gave me one (00:33:45) Chuck: :-/ (00:35:17) Chuck: spit or swallow (00:35:19) Chuck: ? (00:35:25) Chuck: put it on his face or tits (00:35:25) PedroSuave2K: he spit (00:38:56) PedroSuave2K: the guy was half black, BTW Dantasy Football In November 2010, Dan revealed his long-standing practice of maintaining an elaborate, fully formed football league with scores and stories entirely determined by his own imagination. Named by SoN as the Dan Football League, or Dantasy Football or DFL for short, it was created in 1997 when Dan was still struggling with his autistic diagnosis. "Even though the league goes back to 1979 I've only been tracking going back to 1997, when the league expanded from 12 to 16," Dan has been quoted as saying. "It expanded to 20 in 1999, 24 in 2000, 28 in 2004, and the full 32 in 2005." Seeking to escape the real world, he originally called it the SFL (Super Football League), but changed it to the NFL "awhile aback." He said he "never figured out just what the N stood for." Here you can read the names of the teams and divisions from the legendary 2005 season, when Crestin had the most dominating season in DFL history, going 16-0 and winning the Super Bowl. It's a performance that would almost be matched again two years later when the team again had a perfect regular season record -- unprecedented in the Dantasy world -- but ultimately fall in the Super Bowl. He said his inspiration was the 2007-2008 New England Patriots, which epically shit the bed in the 2008 Super Bowl against the New York Giants. In the league there are injuries, transactions, a draft and even a Super Bowl, but no "scandalous shit like cock photos or rapes." The scores and stories aren't decided by a roll of the dice or any predetermined system, but just by the whims of Dan. He said he doesn't do a season in one sitting or week-by-week. "I just do it in random spurts and not always in order." The league is ran by Commissioner Mgwuke Melekwiji, whom Dan calls "some African immigrant." Dan has gone on record to say that QB Jake Jefferson is his favorite Dantasy player. "QB Jake Jefferson (2010 will actually be his last year, since he would retire when the six-year contract he signed in 2005 expires) is the league's all time greatest player. Coming out of The U in 1995, he was considered to have the most elite skill set in the draft, but fell to the third round because of his size (6'0" 198 LBS). He's fairly mobile (in the area of Jeff Garcia) with the arm strength of Jay Cutler or Brett Favre in his prime, accuracy of Drew Brees, and smarts of Steve Young. Jon Gruden would call him a "very special player." The future of the DFL is currently up in the air. As of November 9, 2010, he had "been ignoring it lately." Category:SoN members Category:Autistic members Category:Fat SoNers Category:Member Category:Shockwave Dynasty Baseball League